Big ol’ fourth wall break incoming. In the last week of winter holiday, Caroline and I discuss challenges with working together, namely on this project (as well as our fears around putting it out into the world, which at this point we hadn’t yet done), but also the myriad other ways our partnership (in the most practical sense of the word) manifests.
At one point in the back half of this week’s discussion, I promise a study about how relationships built on shared negativity (dislike for someone or something) are easier to form but weaker in the long term, compared to relationships built on shared interests or affinities. The single silver bullet study to support this idea eludes me (or perhaps never existed), but in searching, a couple of related and interesting reads.
Business Insider grabbed an article originally published in Science of People, neither of which strike me as particularly valid peer reviewed sources, but the findings feel face valid to me — use this directionally. Specifically, two ways that negativity supports bonding — one, that negativity registers a stronger emotional response (translating to a stronger shared emotional experience), and two, that expressing negativity is an act of intimacy, as a contradiction of accepted social norms of general positivity toward others. It’s a wink, if you will. Here’s the link: https://bit.ly/3cPaFr2
The risk of negativity as a strategy for forming relationships lies in the potential for misalignment (you venture a negative point of view on something the other person has a positive view of), as well as, in the long term, developing a negative perception of the relationship itself. The Atlantic goes a bit deeper on this point of avoiding negativity bias in relationships. Here’s that: https://bit.ly/2KxaNj3
Hit us up, always.
Acknowledgments
Thanks as always to our wonderful family and friends who have helped along the way. Specifically, our muse @floriandelomme for his generosity in allowing us the use of his Tulum sunset in our cover art; @anka1027 for her knowledge of all things podcasting; her renaissance husband @gnarliehewson for our highly rad intro music; and, of course, @mollylophotography and @edwardslater, whose empathy and talent are on display in every photo of our wedding (and could be for yours—message them directly or visit their website).