I Think I Love You

Week Nine: The One Where Riley Pees Himself

Episode Summary

Why does it feel like this whole project is just me getting naked onstage? This week we discover new stuck points around sharing responsibility for our health with one another, and try to get to useful mental models for shortening the half-life of fights. — Riley

Episode Notes

"He's an adult, he's got this" is the key to this conversation, for me. We spend some time debunking this thought, that a marker of maturity is being able to deal with challenges on your own, in isolation from the people who care about you. Looking back, it seems I'm quick to ball up, originally shutting my parents out of my healthcare, and then (well, now) my wife. I still think of this issue as having gendered roots, being a "dude thing", but maybe it truly is a me thing that comes from something else.

• (12:00) Order, disorder, and reorder, via Jedidiah Jenkins (listen to his show, Question the Self https://apple.co/2VlKhhB).
• (34:50) Fight #2 of the night.
• (38:45) Caroline talks about the feeling of not being able to walk out and cool off, now that we're married and living together.
• (43:20) We talk about the half-life of fights, and mental models for safer transitions out of that period.
• (49:25) System 1 and System 2 in fights, which we don't explain is from Daniel Kahneman in Thinking Fast and Slow (https://nyti.ms/2JVLNS8).
• (52:45) Your partner is a variable, not a control.
• (55:13) Lessons on how to stay in love for Week Nine.

Thanks for listening. If any of this hits home for you or sparks a conversation between you and your partner, we'd love to hear from you.  Find us on Instagram @caroclaireburke or @ri_soserious.

- Riley

Acknowledgments

Thanks as always to our wonderful family and friends who have helped along the way. Specifically, our muse @floriandelomme for his generosity in allowing us the use of his Tulum sunset in our cover art; @anka1027 for her knowledge of all things podcasting; her renaissance husband @gnarliehewson for our highly rad intro music; and, of course, @mollylophotography and @edwardslater, whose empathy and talent are on display in every photo of our wedding (and could be for yours—message them directly or visit their website).